The KO

The Day of the KO

When I was in college, I was a bit of a wild card. I used to fight a shit ton in junior high and high school. I had a rough upbringing and a bad temper which didn’t bode well for those who crossed me. Add to that my years of boxing and karate training and you had yourself a recipe for some punishment being doled out. This particular incident took place on a Saturday night at one of the local bars. It was the typical night for a college kid. We did some pre-partying at the house and them decided to go into the bar in town. My friends came up to visit from our large state university so it was a full weekend of drinking. That probably played a large part in the events of that evening. All I know is iIspent two days in a perpetual state of drunkenness. Not wasted, just pleasantly buzzed. Of course like every Saturday, I met my buddies at the gym and we did out usual leg day grind at 9 am. At about 9:20 I was puking up bile as was my custom. Never failed to dry heave or vomit for 5 minutes. Like a trooper, I always finished my damn legs. Work hard, play hard, that was our motto. So after legs, we would go to the local greasy spoon and eat omelettes and hash browns. Then we would go down to the local beer store and buy a quarter barrel of beer and 3 bottles of Boone’s Farm wine. We would go toss frisbee’s in the park and start the day over again. So this set up the events that would follow later that night.

The Night Of The KO

So lets jump forward a few hours. We went to the bar and were already buzzed, I think that was well established. Well, as luck would have it, my girlfriend and I got into a fight. Personally, I just thought she was being a bitch.  I am sure it had zero to do with yours truly being a drunk dick. So as the night progressed and I got drunker, my tolerance for Lisa being a bitch got lesser. It was the immovable object versus the irresistible force. So toward about 11 pm, I was in a real pissy mood. I decided to go outside and get some air with my buddy John. He was visiting from school at the state university. We had been friends since high school. He had seen me throw down in more than a few fights in out youth. I was notorious for ending fights quickly. Usually after a rapid flurry of punches, someone was bleeding and said enough. I was used to fighting and it was second nature. I can fist fight and not get upset but a verbal argument makes me super shaky. I would prefer to punch than to raise my voice. Well this night, throwing a punch was about all I did.

The KO Punch

So back to the story. John and I had gone outside to get some air. Well, the cool air made me want to pee. So John and I stood on opposite side of the dumpster and pissed. We were kind of shooting the breeze about life I guess. So we finished up the wiz and were talking on the side of the bar. These 3 guys walk by and look over so I said ‘Hey guys, how’s it going?” The one guy said something shitty so I said “Dude, what’s your problem?” He replied he didn’t have a problem, but now I did. Well, he walked straight at me and got close enough that he went to 2 hand push me to the chest. As soon as his hands started toward me I hit him with a bomb of a right hand. It was short and quick. I hit him right in the mouth and he went down like a sack of bricks. I mean out cold, tongue hanging out, eyes rolled up in head out! I was like oh shit! I heard the sound of fists on skin and realized John had punched his friends. They both didn’t want that action so he stopped. I remember one of those kids said to me “What’s wrong with you? Hitting a fellow American? What are you a communist?” I was like “what?” I said you buddy shouldn’t have been a dick and he wouldn’t be laid out. So now we all focused on the guy on the ground. He still hadn’t moved 5 minutes later. I thought “Oh fuck, I killed this guy!” I got scared so I picked him up under his arms and sat him up. He started to moan something inaudible. I lifted under his pits until he was almost standing. He said ‘let go, I am okay.” I let him go and he stumbled, fell into a car and and on his ass. He stood up and the parking lot light lit up his face. He had a rip from his lip to his nose that was pouring blood like a sieve. He looked at me and I realized that most of his teeth were shattered out of his mouth. My first word’s were “Dude, you need a dentist.” On that note we left the bar. Nobody knew but John and I. Or so I thought.

The KO: The Aftermath

So we get back to the house and my hand was swollen, my elbow hurt, and the muscles in my back hurt. It truly was one helluva a punch. My buddy John said ” I have seen a lot of people get punched, but I have never seen anyone get hit like that.” He said “If you hit Tyson like that, he would be out too!” Well, I got to class on Monday and my buddy Horny Joe said “Eric, I hear you fucked some dudes face up and that he is suing you.” I was like oh fuck! No way. How the fuck did this guy know me? I forget that 5’9″ 240 pound guys kind of stick out like a sore thumb. So I sweated it out for a few weeks and then I just forgot about it. It did have a profound effect on me. I didn’t hit another person for at least a decade. I wasn’t throwing my life a way putting the lumber on some moron. I decided to be more of a walk away from a fight than punch guy. So that’s the Eric Irons  KO story. Some roids, some alcohol, a fight with the girlfriend and boom. Somebody gets fucked up!


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