5 Commandments of Training With Thy Woman

fit woman exercising“Honey, don’t go to the gym, spend time with me. I miss you.”

Honor thy wife is not one of the 10 commandments, but it should be. Because if you don’t honor thy wife, life can be a living hell. Do you ever wish you could both train and spend time with your wife? This article will show you how to do just that, as I go over the commandments of keeping thy wife happy, and keeping thy body aesthetically pleasing.

Commandment 1

Thou Shall Not Train Like A Girl

We all hear these assclown trainers talking about women training differently than men to avoid “getting too bulky”. I am here to say from both a scientific and an anecdotal standpoint that women can and should train like men. Most women lack the hormones and genetics necessary to turn into an IFBB pro. We all know, as men, how hard it is to pack on muscle. What makes you think that Barbie will touch a heavy weight and turn into Hercules?

Since your woman is now your training partner, do the same routine together. Not only will it equalize the relationship, it will make her a part of your hobby. And chances are, she will enjoy it more and stick with it if you’re a team.

Commandment 2

Word Spoken In The Gym Never Leaveth The Gym

“Get your set, Bitch!” This very phrase has caused many a fight in my household. You get caught up in the moment, testosterone is surging, and you say something you’d say to your old training partner who spent 5 years in state prison. This is where the rule has to be set. This line worked for me, and it can work for you. “Honey, I see you as more than just my wife. I see you as my lover, friend, and even training partner. You are such a good training partner and you motivate me so much to perform my best that I sometimes get caught up in the moment. I hope you understand.”

This line may not work every time, and you may just have to resort to self control. It’s worth a try though.


Commandment 3

Thou Shall Not Spanketh And Toucheth One Another

Like the Seinfeld episode where George found that eating during sex can combine life’s two biggest pleasures, you absolutely cannot combine sex and training. Training should be a means to an end. By the two of you training and dieting together, you will look better, feel better, and be more attracted to each other. This is why, especially if you train at home, you cannot interrupt a set of squats for well, a set of squats! Post Workout hanky-panky is acceptable, as long as you follow it with the proper ratio of protein and carbs.

Commandment 4

Thou Shall Not Think Of Thyself As A Judge

If asked “How do I look honey?” do not say that she looks good, but needs to pay more attention to her gluteal area. Just be happy that she is training with you, and if maintained consistently, results will come and she will notice them herself. I like the line, “You look better and better everyday.” Leaves room for improvement, but doesn’t criticize.

Commandment 5

Thou Shall Not Criticize Thy Wife’s Macronutrient Ratios

In the bible, one loaf of bread was enough for a large group of people. Don’t expect the same out of your wife. While you may regulate your breadstick intake at the Olive Garden, your wife may actually enjoy being “normal”. Don’t expect your better half to give up a delicious tuna salad sandwich for tuna and flax oil either. Nothing will ruin a marriage quicker than monitoring what goes in and out of your wife’s mouth (no, I didn’t mean it that way!). While it is good to help each other out, too much attention can prove to be disastrous. Anyway, chicks dig chocolate.

Marriage is all about compromise. By introducing your wife to your hobby, not only will it help her understand you more and allow for more quality time together, but it will help both of you stick to your program and live happier, longer, and more productive lives.

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