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Welcome to Jen’s Blog. Warning: Not Politically Correct

Hi, I’m Jen Heath. And I’m not your average girl. After reading this blog, you’ll start to get an idea of why I say that. Today it might be a little random as my thoughts are sort of all over the place, but I think you’ll like it nonetheless.

There are several reasons why I chose the picture below to say “this is me”.

  • almost look like this. Give me 4-5 more weeks.
  • It’s my new profile picture on Facebook, and it has been getting some good attention.
  • It shows very objectively (ha – see how clever I am? I know what you are thinking) how much I love to lift weights
  • Lastly, the waistline on my shorts is at my hips and not my bellybutton. Marc is the only one who just got that. Sorry, everybody else.

For those of you who don’t know me as well as Marc, you can visit my website www.jenheath.comwhere you can check out my online coaching business. There’s plenty of eye candy over there and no, it’s not all of me (though there’s no shortage there). HINT: Modeling and Competition Galleries. It’s my job to create hot people (who are also healthy and happy of course), and I take pride in showcasing my/our results. Plus, there is plenty of good information to chew on.

I have four kids and the last two are twins (re: I used to weigh 195 lbs, which makes the above picture even more impressive). I coach gymnastics, and am a writing nerd a well published online writer. I love to snowmobile, snowboard, and I’m a bat out of Hell on my dirtbike. I love to boat because I love sunshine and bikinis I love waterskiing. I love to build houses. I just moved into my new one in which I built myself a 500 sq.ft  gym with all the trimmings. Racks, barbells, DB’s, foam rollers, a kickin stereo system, a drinking fountain (I know, I’m such a brat). It lacks nothing. I even have a picture of a gay bodybuilder on my wall. Delicious.

My favorite possessions are my children (they are my life), my electric hand blender, my supplement container, my synthesize jug, foam roller, ipod, pantry (hint: I makeout with cashews all the time LOVE food), my phone, and my nintendo wii. DON’T judge me. Wii Super Hula is really really fun to play with my kids. I’m a total hula junkie. Someday I’m gonna youtube that shit and post it. If you’re nice to me, I’ll put on my bikini first. Plus it increases my NEAT in case you needed a scientific reason for me to be wildly swinging my hips back and forth. Wow, don’t even go there, okay? It’s hula hoop for crying out loud.

I almost forgot to mention my mixer and cdj’s. I love to spin tunes and some have said I am quite good**. I owe that hobby to Marc McDougal (my original spinning coach) and Devon Padgett who has been my endless supply of music. Wait. How could I forget? I totally makeout with my stainless steel pots and pans LOVE to cook. I should start a restaraunt. Yep, the food I make is THAT good. After a busy day, I love to curl up to a good book with a hot cup of tea. I am also a movie wh*** also really love movies. I love Blue-ray. I got lasik a couple years ago and Blue-ray is like getting that surgery all over again. Double D!! You pervert. I was talking about Dimension and Definition, not a bra size. Sheesh.

I am hands down the sweetest and nicest person ( that’s my halo in case you wondered) you’ll ever meet all while having developed a refined sense of humor, cynicism and sarcasm that is nothing short of artwork (or so I’ve been told) . My thank you speech for those qualities goes out to Marc McDougal, Brandie Heath, Amy Leck and Christopher Ball, my mom and my good friend Tony Gentilcore. Thanks for being a part of my learning not to take things so personally, how to say no more often when it suits my own needs (selfish I know, but good, I assure you), for a better ability to call someone out when they are being indisputably stupid and make fun of them without hestitation, and most importantly, to not take myself so seriously. You all rock my world. And for all of you who are not on that list and are jealous right now, you can rock my world if you want to. It’s okay with me.

My thought of the day is one that is totally recycled, but I too, deserve the right to bitch and moan about gym cell phone users, especially if they get in my way.

So, I had just finished heavy 3’s with 200 lbs on squat (impressive? anyone?) and was heading over to the DB rack to do some single arm push presses. On my way, I noticed a few of the skinnies on the ellipticals talking on their phones (barf). It didn’t bother me so much though, since I hardly ever go over there unless it’s to do sprints, plus since they were not in MY way, I could hate from a distance.

*Bonus: I don’t look like or speak like them either. Thanks goodness. My next blog will be a conversation I heard between two fatties walking on the treadmill that made me want to plummet myself from a 20 story high riser.

The real problem came into play when I arrived at the DB rack and there was this guy sitting on the end of a bench right in front of the 40’s I needed, talking on his phone.

“…Sure baby, I’ll pick you up in 30 when I’m done with my workout….yeah it’s good. I curled 20’s today…blah blah blah….” Cue: Jen goes ballistic and takes one of those 40’s, smashes it into his head and knocks him over while she watches him bleed to death from the skull on the rubber matting (admission: rude and morbid, I know…but I was mad).

This scenario was wrong on so many levels. I mean the guy weighed MAYBE 130 lbs (yes that is lighter than me at 5’5″ tall). I could bench press that shiz numerous times. Furthermore, workout your damn plans with your “chick” before you come to the gym. Lastly, 20 lbs?!? Are you kidding me? I can curl 20 lbs like 531.25 times. If you are a beginner or intermediate female, then kudos, but a dude? It’s just not fashionable. Get over yourself and do some chinups.

So, little boy from my gym who sits in front of my dumbbells and talks on his phone:

“You are not awesome. At all. You are a walking bag of douche. Next time you come to the gym, leave your cell phone in your car. If I ever see you in here with it again, I’ll rip it out of your hands and shove it down your throat.

**Yes, I look very, very cute in my headphones. Just in case you wondered.


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14 comments posted


you are absolutely fantastic. Loved everyminute of it..did not know you had it in you…being from the east coast and oh so outpsoken i loved it.:) i absolutely loved loved your pic. awesome
Posted by Anonymous on Tue, 03/31/2009 – 17:19
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Hmmm, are you sure one of the

Hmmm, are you sure one of the “fatties” on the treadmill WALKING isn’t you? I think that photo was the ONE & ONLY time you have, or will ever, look like that!
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/26/2009 – 19:51
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Wow, I love it. Someone who

Wow, I love it. Someone who thinks like me and actually writes it.
Posted by Anonymous on Sun, 03/22/2009 – 17:00
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Be Honest Jen

Come on Jen… Tell the truth. You were walking on the treadmill talking to me (Brandie Heath, the chick responsible for making her rude and brutally honest, for all of you who are lost ) and you want to blog about the fatties going into Yoga…we make fun of those nut jobs all the time!
Posted by Anonymous on Sun, 03/15/2009 – 00:24
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You are the greatest!

Best blog EVER…Jen, YOU rock my world and make me laugh soooo hard! Amy K, your favorite bank person. 🙂
Posted by Anonymous on Fri, 03/13/2009 – 23:16
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You Liked It, Now I’m Going To Eat Cake.

Yeah right! I’m going RUNNING now, NOT eating cake. Though, when I get back I might eat a couple mini southbeach fiber cookies. Sounds gross, I know, but they aren’t, okay? SO far the only ‘snack’ that doesn’t taste like diet. And before someone get’s going on how those are not good for you, please list your diet out exactly. If it has the same amount of veggies, varied proteins, healthy fats, healthy supplements, and over a gallon of water, then we MIGHT talk….;o) Now, all of what you said about me and my blog was awesome. Thanks. I didn’t realize how much I hadn’t put out that ‘other side’ of myelf. I’ll have to bring it more often, like you said.
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 16:37
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oh god.

I use as much weight as most of the guys at the Army gym. I work on a fort. They look at me like I’m digusting but I know it’s just because they don’t know how to stomach that this tiny girl is doing chest presses with as much weight as they are most times. And forget it, when I practice doing power cleans or standing snatches, I feel like they want to kill me. Screw ’em.
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 14:46
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Well Done

Very nice. Good to hear you unedited. It appears you are a very honest person, and outspoken. Hope you post some more for everyone to read. Todd
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 14:34
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Hi Jen

Thanks for sharing your blog. It was good to read and funny to see a different type of writing. Now be easy on that guy…lol Just tell him to move. Ja…Ja… Trish
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 12:57
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Jen, You really shouldn’t

Jen, You really shouldn’t have written this because now I see you are a girl after my own heart. I knew you rocked before but now I want to take a trip up to the sub zero tempatures and workout with you. Aside from getting into fantastic condition I could laugh my ass off along the way. I thought I was the only person that was like get the frigg outta my space to those little mini men/women on their cell’s. I have always seen the SUPER SWEET side of Jen…almost thought this lady Is TO nice…is it really possible to be this kind…but now I feel better cause you got some sarcasm to boot. I am however completely jealous of those that get to be around you so often and benifit from your humor and fun loving spirit…oh and not to mention jealous as HELL at your new home gym…when can I come play ;o) Love ya bunches! Amanda (your next girl) (just you wait I am going in for the kill this time around ;o) )
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 12:20
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Love it

I needed a good laugh and I definitely got one. I’m so glad you started a blog and can’t wait to read more…you are so real, if you know what I mean. I love the in-your-face-honesty. These kinds of blogs are the best. 🙂
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 12:01
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Excellent rant!

Hey there lady- Very nice. And that guy hogging the dumbbells is in every gym. And I’m SO jealous of your gym at home. If you’d like to adopt a full grown child, I’m available. Erin
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 08:59
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Totally hilarious!

Oh Jen, I am laughing so hard! I am totally with you there, people with cell phones at the gym are just so damned annoying. There is this couple at my gym almost each time I train. I call her ‘pink’ as she always wears the same horrible pink outfit. These people literally jump on their cell phones each time they rest in between sets. I just can’t believe it! I have this wave of hate when I see them now! So yeah I can totally relate to what you are saying. As for the rest, I can just hope to be able to lift as heavy as you… one day!!!! I am sooooo glad you have a blog!!! Great Jen, really great!!! I am looking forward to reading it! Anne
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 07:28
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Comment? I Love Comments?

Girl, do I get to be the first? Whoo-hoo! I’ll sit on the douchebag while you shove the cell phone in an orifice. Then gag him with a pink dumbbell… Jilly
Posted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/12/2009 – 03:16