Fuck Me, That Was Crazy!
So a long time ago, me and some of my college buddies decided to go on spring break in Florida. The town shall remain nameless so as to protect the innocent(okay, and the not so innocent). One never knows how long the statute of limitations is, at least I don’t so the state of Florida will have to suffice. This was just straight drunken debauchery at it’s finest. So this was a week of just out and out stupidity at it’s finest. There was alcohol, drugs, women, fucking, more women, more fucking and some more drinking. It got to be so bad that I couldn’t even drink the last few days I was there. So, like I said, at the end of the week, I was literally saying “Fuck Me, That Was Crazy!”
First Night, Wow!
So the first night down there we went to a bar where you paid $20 to get in and could drink for free til 10 pm. Needless to say, we were pounding drinks pretty fast. So my buddies Todd and Tony(not real names) brought back two girls to our room. By then, me, my boy Moose, and my boy Trash were already back at the room. Tony saw the bed me and Moose were lying on was occupied, so he took the broad he was with back to her room. Meanwhile Todd was getting down to business. I was laying so I could see over Moose and watch the whole thing. Moose was upset because he couldn’t see. He tried to move and the girl got suspicious. She said “are you sure they are all passed out?” I looked over at Trash and he was sitting up in a chair with sunglasses on smiling. Passed out my ass! So they get to fucking and Moose is bummed because he can hear but he cant see. I got the full show and so did Trash. Needless to say, she took the walk of shame back to her room at 3 am.
The next day Tony was telling us about banging the other dummy and we were all laughing. We went down to the pool where they party all day with a D-jay and lots of alcohol. So we get some good chaise lounges in a great area on the pool deck. So next thing you know the two cum dumpsters from the night before show up. My boy Trash just blurts out “what’s up slut sisters!” We about shit ourselves laughing. The one girl got all indignant and said “we aren’t sluts!” Of course Trash had a reply that went something like “yeah honey, of course you’re not a slut. You met my boys 3 hours before you went back and sucked and fucked them both. You girls are ready for the nunnery.” Needless to say, Todd and Tony were pissed at Trash for blowing their “sure thing” girls. So night one was a big fucking hoot.
So the next night me and my boy Dave hooked up with a couple girls we went to college with. They were both really cool and we went back to their room. to hang out. Well, one thing led to another and we were hooking up. Michelle, the one I was with had a serious boyfriend of 4 years back in her hometown and was still a virgin. Dave was with Kathy and she was wild. So they were fucking pretty quick and I was just taking it easy because I kind of new Michelle and her situation. I busted out laughing because Dave got up to piss and you could see his bone glistening in the moonlight as he walked by. Well, I ended up fucking Michelle and I knew that wasn’t going to do well. The next day I told her friend “just because we had sex doesn’t mean I am hanging out with her all week.” That was enough to fire up a bunch of women from college so I knew I wasn’t going to be fucking any of them. Thank god for the southern belles. There were some hot ass women down there.
So we were walking down the strip and we passed a bunch of black guys who made some shit remark. One of my boys called them a few choice words. Well, that led to a face off that was pretty stupid, but nobody was going to give an inch. My boy Todd called one of them “boy.” Well, that is kind of a fighting word for black guys. The guy got up in Todd’s face and said “who you calling boy cracker!” Todd just blew his grill out and it just turned into fists everywhere. 5 minutes later , there were some fucked up black guys laid out all over the side walk. We got out before the police showed up. We all laughed about it when we got to the bar. So 3 nights in, a lot of fucking and fighting had been accomplished. At school we used to call it the 3 F’s to make a perfect night. 1) Get fucked up 2) Fuck somebody up 3) Get fucked. That was the trifecta to have a perfect night. I didn’t want to have another of those nights. I got out unscathed but I was watching my six all week in case those guys who got their asses beat tried to get payback.
The Van Ride
Some of the guys I played college ball with all roomed together. They were all offensive lineman and the key word is OFFENSIVE. For the most part, these guys are lacking hygiene and somewhat “slothy!” Not sure that’s even a word but we will go with it. So this cast of clowns were heading down the strip in a mini van that they drove down in. Listen, just getting in a mini van drops your testosterone level by 2/3. You might as well castrate yourself because you won’t get pussy in the grocery getter, so your dick might as well be gone along with your man card. I laughed so hard when they told us the story. We had an all american lineman who looked like a giant baby. Literally almost hairless and all the nice little fat rolls like a newborn. So they get up to a light and they see some hot girls in a convertible mustang. So they open the sliding door and “Louie” the giant baby was wearing no shirt. He yells to the driver “show me your tit’s!” and without missing a beat she replies “why, yours are bigger!” I guess you could hear proverbial crickets chirping it was so silent. They drove for a block in silence and they all busted out laughing. Fucking Louie. So, needless to say, that town was happy to see our sorry asses leave. There were many more stories from that trip, but that’s for another time.