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Carrot Top over did it with the site enhancement. With this new product he can change his name to Coconut Top.

Carrot Top over did it with the site enhancement ans steroids!

Roid Rage: Why I Stopped Juicing!

A long time ago when I was a senior in college, I had an incident that completely changed the course of my life. Whether someone wants to call it Roid Rage or just plain being a drunk asshole, I had a bad night. I am sure that it was a combination of three things. 1) I am a naturally aggressive guy who used to have a bad temper 2) I was using a pretty good cycle of androgens at the time so I am sure that took my aggression up a notch. 3) I drank a lot of alcohol that night. I can be like Satan when I drink if I am pissed off. So with those 3 things combined, you had all the ingredients for an awful night and fucking A, it turned out awful. Please don’t judge me as a complete dick after I tell you this story. Yes, I have changed and grown up. When you go back to my youth and how I was raised, society is lucky I didn’t become a serial killer. That was a joke!

Roid Rage Or Just An Asshole?

So on this fateful night, my girlfriend of 3 years came to see me at college. She had graduated the year before and I had dual majors, so I had another two semesters to get through 6 classes. We will call her Lisa to protect the innocent. She certainly doesn’t need people knowing what a douche bag her old college boyfriend was. Well, Lisa drove an hour from her apartment to see me and hang out for the night. So lets jump forward to the events of the night. Needless to say at this point, I had been over served at the bar that evening and was being a jerk. Lisa wasn’t too happy with me. In retrospect, I see why, but that night I was wasted and thought I was right. She apparently got upset with my behavior and left the bar. I was hanging with my buddies and we were getting stupid and acting a fool. Don’t ask me how I know, but I sensed in a packed 5000 sq ft bar that she wasn’t there. I looked around and I couldn’t find her. I jumped in my car and raced back to my house. I got there and my roommate said Lisa had been there 20 minutes ago, grabbed her weekend bag, and left. Well, I was so angry I punched the shit out of a cupboard door and broke it. I jumped into my car and hit the highway toward her town. It was pretty much the only direct route back to her town so I figured she would take it. Because she had a 20 minute or so head start, I knew I needed to go fast to catch up. I jumped on the highway and hammered the gas…

Roid Rage: Roadside Dick

I was doing well over 100 mph and would have probably blown a .20 on a breathalyzer at least. I was not in my right mind due to emotions and a lot of drinks. When I finally caught up to Lisa, I forced her to pull over. I went absolutely ape shit. I took her weekend bag and hurled it into the woods. I took her purse and hurled it into the woods. I then took her car keys and hurled them into the woods. I looked at Lisa and she was a mess. She was literally scared to death and sobbing. I suddenly had a moment of clarity. I felt so ashamed of how I was acting. I went into the woods and got her stuff. Luckily I throw pretty accurately and it was all close together. I felt so badly that I would have rather died than have seen her that scared and hurt. Talk about a sobering moment in my life. I drove 2 1/2 hours back to my parents house and told them I had been on steroids for the past 3 years. Everyone was in shock because I wouldn’t even take aspirin let alone a drug you needed to inject, or so they thought. Amazing, nobody noticed how big I had gotten? I remember one night driving home late and sleeping on the couch. My sister walked through and asked my Mom who is sleeping on the couch. My Mom said “It’s your brother!” Obviously I was way bigger than before I left and my sister asked me later what I was doing. I said “You know, just don’t tell Mom.” Well, now I was afraid I may have messed up my system. I went to the doctor and got a full check up. This guy almost shit himself when he asked me to write down everything I had used. I went front and back on note paper. I laughed because he asked, “What is equipoise?” I said, think equi as in equine. He just looked baffled. I said there is a horse, a pig, and a cow on the label. He still looked perplexed. I started whinnying like a horse. It finally sunk in. He asked what are Cheque Drops? I said oh, those are for keeping bitch dogs from going into heat. I said this is 6 times more anabolic and 2.5 times more androgenic than testosterone. Needless to say, he got an education that day on the black market and steroids in general.

Roid Rage: The Aftermath

Well, as any reasonable human might assume. Lisa and I were basically done. Sure we would hook up for sex, but she had looked a demon in the eye that night and that is something you just can’t forget. To this day, she is the only woman I wish I could apologize to for my actions. She truly was a sweet girl and didn’t deserve my outlandish behavior. I also said fuck drugs, I will never do those again. Well, we all know how that turned out. I did learn a lot. I decided I didn’t need alcohol in my life in the quantities I was drinking in college. I also realized who and what I am. I had to really be aware when I am on cycle to keep my shit in check. I realize also that when you meet a good woman, treat her with respect and dignity. There are times I wonder what would have happened if I never did steroids or drank at all. Well, I survived that night, but there are certainly some wild stories to tell, and tell you I will. Until next time friends…

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