Choose Your Words Wisely
David Reid RD Blog Post today covers the topic of how words are used in everyday life and the profound affect they can have on people. People will say things and not even think how it may be received by the person or people they are talking to. How often have I said things in my life on a whim, only to realize the dramatic affect it had on another persons self worth or happiness. I tend to be a guy who looks at life from a positive aspect, but I also catch myself being cutting with my words sometimes. None of us are perfect and we all stumble every single day. We say things that have an immediate impact on the person we are speaking to. How many times have we said something such as “That was really stupid.” or “What were you thinking? Obviously you weren’t!” It would be nice to be able to step back and watch in advance how our words will be received, but that isn’t possible. So what is the solution? It is just simply thinking things through before you blurt them out. It’s not perfect, but it will save a lot of pain, trust me.
Build People Up, Don’t Tear Them Down
I don’t get the people who tear into people and rip them apart verbally. Whether you are a boss, a husband, a friend it matters not, just don’t be a fool with your words. I can remember coaches or bosses who used the verbal tirade to try and motivate me. That’s not how to get me to work. That is how to get me to fight with you. If you want me to do things, appeal to my conscience and I will work my butt off to make it perfect. If you are married, why tear down your spouse to others. I have had this happen to me personally and it hurts. You think this person loves you beyond compare, why would they say hurtful, negative things, especially in public? I heard a woman doing this in the salon when I was getting my hair cut. I kept thinking “the poor guy who is married to this troll deserves better.” She was so awful in speaking about the father of her children. I was thinking “he has to be a good person to deal with this human being!” When I trained athletes I would spend time building their character from the inside out. I made them feel like they could take on the world. I had a father send me a Christmas card because I helped his 15 year old son after battling Graves Disease. When he came to me he weighed 120 lbs at 6’3″. I didn’t treat him any different than any other kids. He got treated like everyone else. When I like someone I mess with them. If I don’t, I am polite and all business. His father said “although my son will never be the caliber of these pro and college athletes that you train on the field, the profound difference in his demeanor and self worth is perhaps the greatest work you may have ever done.” I got tears in my eyes from that card. My words made his son believe in himself and his words made me understand that what I had done for 20 years was all worth it. On a positive note, his son put on 65 pounds in 6 months so that helped him feel better at a socially awkward stage of his life.
The Lasting Effects Of Verbal Abuse
I had a stepfather who was a very bad person. He was physically, verbally, and mentally abusive to my mom, my sister, and myself. Like I said before, when you attack me verbally, I will fight back. I get cockier and face that challenge directly. My sister was more introverted and therefore took all that abuse and said nothing back. In the early teenage years, he was unmerciful in his verbal tirades on her. He would say things I am too polite to even write on this blog. I knew it had caused a lot of damage to her psyche and her self worth. It took years into adulthood for her to break the shackles that he put on her. When I heard he died, I just said “Oh, too bad.” I had zero empathy for that guy. I am not breakable mentally in that manner because it’s not in me to cave in under that type of attack. I am laser tongued too and will just tear a person apart if I fell they are trying to hurt me. I am guilty of saying some hurtful things too. I have seen the pained look in someones eyes when I have said something biting that hits a soft spot. I have done it relationships. Hindsight is 20/20 and that sucks because looking back, I look at how my hurtful words have hurt people in my past. I try very hard to choose words wisely, try to say things in a constructive manner. I have seen the effects of these verbal barrages and I vowed that I would not be that guy. Live, laugh, love! That is the way to a better life.
Why People Use Hurtful Words
There are only 3 real reasons people would use these words. 1) They are insecure themselves. 2) They weren’t raised with social graces. 3) They are sociopaths. When a person is insecure, they will try to bring others down to lift themselves up. These people are easy to spot because they generally thump their chest the loudest. Just realize this broken person is to be pitied because they are so broken. They probably suffered abuse of some form earlier in life and now figure they are “getting even.” There is no reason to get angry because it will change nothing. The second type of person has no clue that they’re being hurtful because they grew up with poor role models so they have no real guide to go by. They need a mentor to show them the error of their ways. The third type of person is a sociopath. Websters defines a sociopath as “a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.” These people could care less if they hurt you because they have the inability to feel anything regardless of the outcome. As a matter of fact, these broken people might get a thrill out of watching people suffer from their verbal assaults. You just need to know your own value and not take it personally.
Know Your Value
Nobody on this earth can make you feel a certain way. It is strictly your reaction and disposition as a result of what ever affront you feel you have suffered. I choose to forgive people for their callousness and shortsightedness. I am a Christian so I look at it like this “If I expect to be forgiven for my sins, I need to forgive others for their sins against me.” It makes life so much easier than carrying around bitterness and negative feelings about that person who probably has no clue or could care less how you feel. As my Mother used to tell me,”Why let that person rent space in your head?” She was right; it is life altering to let it all go. Then you aren’t burdened by feelings of inadequacy. You just get on with life feeling how you choose to feel. You need to love yourself, for it is impossible to love others if you cannot. Create your own self worth; don’t let others determine that for you. To live a good life it takes simple rules to live by. 1) Let things go- don’t let people drag on your coat tails bogging you down. You have heard the saying ” like water off a ducks back?” Let it Go. Don’t poison today with yesterday! 2) Choose you words wisely- oddly, what we put out into the universe usually comes back at us. If you are getting treated poorly, perhaps you should examine your demeanor. People generally mirror the person they are interacting with. So if everyone treats you poorly, maybe it is you getting your own image back.